


Your Biggest Fan(fiction)

by Daniverse



Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-14
Updated: 2019-10-23
Packaged: 2020-12-16 02:30:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 20,891
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21028796
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Daniverse/pseuds/Daniverse
Summary: Inspired by this tweet/art: https://twitter.com/fishuuuu/status/1183140634904973312?s=09Sylvain is a loyal reader of Bernadetta's fanfic. He approaches her and he asks to beta read.





	1. Chapter 1

[Dionaea_Muscipula updated at 2:31am]

Bernadetta finally managed to finish her fic after eight hours of agonizing over each and every word, making sure the chapter was perfect. She had been working on this fic for a few weeks now, updating once every few days without fail. She had a small, loyal following accumulating and it brought a smile to her face to see the views click up throughout the day. She spent most of her time in her room, flipping through other fics, drawing plants, and playing games, but some days it was nice to just kick back and let comments come in. A push notification lit up her phone nine hours after upload:

[HottestDudeOnCampus left you a kudos!]

Bernadetta had no earthly idea who this person was. She figured they were on the same campus, but was only attending one in-person class this semester. She didn't think it was anyone she knew, only a few people were in her Gardening Etiquette class: her, Lindhart, Dedue, and Ashe. Well, Lindhart just slept in the greenhouse while the rest of them worked. HDOC had Kudos'd every chapter after Ch 3, and usually left her a long, detailed message talking about how attached he was to the story, how much he loved the plot, the main character, everything. She had never had anyone so loyal reading her work, it was almost intimidating. What if she did something that upset him? She had the story mostly mapped, with a few exceptions. She didn't know the endgame romance, and she didn't know what she wanted to do with the father figure yet.

In most of her fics, she had the father of the heroine quietly disappear, without another word once she left home to go on a terrifying journey. But this time, the heroine had gone back home. Her father had tried to keep her locked away, but the heroine snuck out in the dead of night to join a dangerous war. The heroine would be their secret weapon, an Archer from the shadows whose intense speed and precision left her enemies dead without a chance to respond. It was a cool concept and she was getting attached. There were a couple options for who she could have the heroine run away with. The dashing commander: a fabio-like man with long, flowing hair and a beautiful smile. Or perhaps his commander? A woman on the front lines, an absolute nightmare for her foes. Or someone else? The possibilities really were endless. 

[HottestDudeonCampus left you a note …]

Bernie mindlessly clicked through the notification and mentally stealed herself. "Dio_M,

Another incredible chapter! Waking up to your writing is both a gift and a curse, since it means I am late for class (lol)." She rolled her eyes and gave a little snort, but continued. "Seeing Beatrice get out of the cellar was such a brilliant show of espionage. It feels so satisfying when she breaks out, and feels the cool breeze again! I could almost feel it myself. Cannot wait to see her back in those fight scenes, they are always so nail biting! Keep it up, I am losing my mind every time this updates." With that, she closed her phone and fell back on her bed, face hot. Who was this guy? Why was he so obsessed? She put her hands on her face and yelled a bit to get the emotions out. Something about this guy just made her bright red, and she didn't even know him! She left a like on the comment before she forgot and threw her blanket over herself and hugged a pillow to her chest. Just a few more precious moments to let herself freak out, then she could go back to brainstorming and researching. 

\---

[Dionaea_Muscipula left a like on your note!]

Sylvain looked at the push notification on his phone with such a cheesy grin. Bernie was an absolute fucking God of the written word and he was such a sucker for it. Every time that fic updated he was glued to his phone for half an hour, minimum. She was so goddamn good at it! He tried to figure out if there was some way to let her know on campus but they didn't have any classes together. It was a bummer! He had a class with Dedue and sometimes he would think about sending her, like, a hand-written letter through him, but he always chickened out. That was some old school courting, and while he sort of loved the pomp and circumstance, it was not the way to do it. He just wanted to sit down and talk to her about it all, talk about what was going through her head. She paid so much attention to every little detail, he could have a total stranger engrossed in minutes. Beatrice's Manor, her father's regal attire, how his eyes seemed to glow red when he spoke to her, and -- god! He was was so fucked up with this fic. He had to do something. Anything! He couldn't contain this in comments anymore. 

He threw on his jacket and headed out, having given his hair a slight ruffle and his reflection a smirk. There was no denying he was an utter babe magnet, a shame there were basically no honest women on campus. One day he would find a beautiful woman who actually valued him for HIS beauty and all of his positive qualities, and not just because he was a hot dude from old money. And talented, and hot, and super good at school when he felt like it, but mostly he was just drop dead gorgeous. While he was busying himself with himself, he found he was making his way to the library. He could see Bernie being there, researching some old war books to figure out how to plot her next chapter. Then he'd go in, sit down, and tell her in person that she was the best writer he had ever read. When he spotted the purple hair in a book while cradling a laptop, he knew he had hit bullseye.

\---

"You can find the books right about … here."

Lindhart had decided to be a gentleman, for once, and show her where to look in the library for the research material she would need. While she was poking around, she had grabbed a book on carnivorous plants to - partially to study, partially to draw. She really wanted to get good enough at drawing that she could start posting landscape pictures in the fic as well, but she wasn't confident just yet. Once the books were checked out, she found herself a nice big chair and cracked open her laptop to take notes. She certainly felt like the picture of every kid in college that parents wanted to see even though she was just there for her own purposes. As she was flipping through a few different years of various detail, she saw a shadow come over her book and immediately felt the familiar fear that came with her crippling social anxiety. She looked up to see Sylvain, someone she didn't know very well outside of their reputation. So what in the world brought him to a library, so he could find some attractive librarian? Or something? She struggled to find the words to greet him, since for some reason he seemed to be there for her.

"Er … do you need one of these? I'm sorry, I'll be done with it in a minute --"

"I knew it! Felix thought I was an idiot but I knew it!"

She waved her hands frantically to quiet him, terrified she would get scolded by a random passerby. He quickly got the hint and pulled a large chair next to her, which made her want to curl up into a ball and die a little bit. He had a huge grin on his face, leaning forward on the arm of the chair with his face in his hands. "You must be doing research for the next chapter, huh? God, I am so excited." Bernie blinked once, then twice. "Excited …?" What in the world was he talking about? She looked back at her book, forgetting why she was in public, then it all came crashing down on her. He was the one leaving those nice comments! He was the one who had been faithfully reading for at least a month and a half now, and he was here, in person, to tell her how great she was at writing. She fumbled around for her water bottle, knocking one of the books off her lap as she quickly picked it up and took a hearty swig. She was convinced she would pass out any second. Before she had a chance to respond, Sylvain leaned down and grabbed the book that had fallen and placed it between them.

"I just had to tell you in person how much I really love what you have written. It all feels so real, it truly teleports me to a completely different world. The characters, the setting, the interactions, it is all just so real! I look forward to every update."

Bernadetta was at a loss for words. Her mouth still felt dry, so she took another swig and tried to focus on him. How had she not figured out HDoC was him? Was she really that stupid? She worked a few different words out in her mind, trying to not make herself sound like a big idiot in front of him. "You … you really like it?" He gave a nod and a smile, thankfully keeping his distance. She always just assumed he was the kind of person who would get in anyone's space to get in with a girl, but he seemed quite respectful at the moment. She gave a small smile and scratched at the back of her head. "This fic has been getting a boost in readers lately, but someone … you, I guess … you always seem to be around to uh … read along huh?" What a stupid thing to say! Stupid, stupid Bernie. He just gave another nod. She gave a weak smile and moved her laptop a little closer, in hopes of obscuring what she assumed was her cherry red face.

"If you ever need a beta reader, I would be so down to do it. Or even just throwing ideas around! Your writing is so cool, I would be happy to be apart of it in any way."

"... Really?"

"Totally!"

She was speechless. Never in a million years would she have pegged Sylvain, uber rich and super popular Sylvain, would be her number one fan. Bernie tried to think of the right thing to say, something that would be nice but would hopefully let him know that she was absolutely terrified of that level of contact with another human being. 

"Thanks, Sylvain. I-I really appreciate it. I usually do all this myself, so the suggestion is … really nice of you."

"Oh it's no problem for me! Here, what's your number? That way we can text."

Her brain must be absolutely fried at this point. Was this all a trick? Was he doing this just to make fun of her later? No, he seemed too committed for this all to be a cruel joke. The look in his eyes, he had to be serious. Right? She fumbled in her hoodie pocket and pulled out her phone, flipping it to the "Add Contact" screen and handing it to him. He quickly tapped his number in and texted himself, then gave her the phone back. "Awesome, text me whenever. I think I go to sleep a little earlier than you, and I tend to be, well, busy most evenings. But I'll respond!" He laughed a little at himself, seemingly aware of his own antics. Bernie paid it no mind and just gave a nod, standing up quick and putting the two books in the backpack slouched against the chair.

"O-okay, got it. I really gotta go, it was, uh. It was really nice talking to you!"

"Oh, I can walk back with you if you'd like. It's getting dark, it's always nice to have an escort."

"Oh no no no, really. You probably have other things to do, right?"

Sylvain gave a smile and grabbed his bookbag, pushing the chair back to its original spot. "It's my free day, actually. And I would love to walk back with you, as long as it is okay with you."

Bernie took a deep breath and turned away from him, trying to compose herself. Maybe she should just run. That seemed like a bad idea, but the prey part of her brain was screaming to bolt. He was doing this as a joke, he didn't mean it, it was all some elaborate prank. But something about that felt … untrue. She pulled on the straps of her bag and turned to him, keeping her eyes focused elsewhere.

"Well, if you want! I guess! It would be fine if you came along. Just, uh. Yeah! You can come." The two took off and he spoke to her about her story the whole way back, and all of the thoughts he had, what he was enjoying reading, what he wanted to read more of. He even seemed like he had his own ideas, really good ones too. On the walk she felt herself loosening up a bit, even smiling and laughing. He just seemed so magnetic, it was easy to relax and talk to him. He made no effort to intrude, he just wanted to talk passionately about something he enjoyed, which she also really enjoyed. They reached her room and she was almost sad that he would have to leave. She sat outside her door, and with no hesitation Sylvain sat down next to her. 

"You really don't have somewhere to be?"

Sylvain gave a shrug. "Nothing I can think of."

Bernie could see herself getting used to this.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wuh oh. Sylvain is catching feelings.

Bernie had started to get used to Sylvain coming by. He would stop by on Tuesdays, usually sitting outside her dorm room texting her back and forth about new plot ideas or general beta reading until she got too embarrassed and just let him come in. Usually he would stick around for a little while, get a text from someone, and be on his way. It was nice to go back to the silence of her own room, but she did miss his energy as soon as he left. One day, he had been sitting on the floor of his room and his phone lit up. He made a nervous grimace and looked up at Bernadetta. "Uh, hold that thought." He picked up the phone and even without it being on speaker phone, she could clearly hear Ingrid yelling at him.

"Sylvain, what the actual fuck is wrong with you??"

Sylvain mouthed an apology and rushed out of the room to continue the call. "Uh, uh sorry. What did I do this time, the redhead? Or, uh, who?" Ingrid continued to berate him as Bernie strained her hearing to see if there were any other details she could make out. It was tough to tell, but she figured it had something to do with all of the rumors about him. Total womanizer, heartbreaker, cheater. It was so weird to her to associate those words with the polite, gentle Sylvain who would sit on her floor and muse about creative fiction with her. He came back in and grabbed his bag, giving an apologetic wave. "I think there is a mess I have to go clean up. Really sorry Bern, you can text me if Ingrid doesn't roast me for dinner tonight. I think this chapter is going great though, seriously!" With that, the door shut behind him and Bernadetta was alone again.

She could feel the familiar chest pains of anxiety welling up in her, but was unsure why it was happening now that she was by herself. What exactly had her so anxious right now? Maybe she was just worried Sylvain was in actual trouble, like the girl he messed with was going to come out and get revenge or something. That would make an interesting story, come to think about it. She opened a notes app on her phone and quickly typed out "country music style revenge novella" and fell back on her bed, looking up at the blank white ceiling. She groaned and rubbed at her chest, trying to quell her weird feelings. It felt like she was starting to enjoy his company to the point where she preferred it to the alternative, and that felt terribly foreign to her. She still barely knew anything about Sylvain, they only ever talked about her writing. She brought her phone to her face and started texting the person she was absolutely sure would know about Sylvain.

"Hey, Dorothea? What's Sylvain like?"

Within a few minutes, she got a response. "A total sleezebag, why?"

Bernadetta gave a small sigh and typed out a small explanation, telling her about the weekly visits.

"And he hasn't done anything??? Damn I'm impressed Bernie." She did not know what Dorothea meant, but she guessed it was a good thing.

"I'm a little worried. Ingrid called him and seemed really upset."

"Lol don't worry. I'm sure his shit antics just caught up to him and he is getting his just desserts. He'll be fine." 

Unfortunately, that did not make Bernie feel better at all. Her minor mental plot of a woman stabbing him to death for breaking her heart just seemed more and more real by the second. Before she knew it, she had her shoes on and she was getting ready to leave her room. The door opened and a familiar wave of agoraphobia hit her, the angry voice of her father telling her that a woman remains in the home, she cooks for her husband, she never speaks, she never budges without the approval of her male superior. The thoughts made her feel small, but she pushed past the door frame and made herself begin the walk onto the green to the Blue Lions dorms. The more steps she took, the quieter the voice became, until it was only her own thoughts telling her she was definitely now also going to be stabbed to death by a strange, upset woman. At least it wasn't her father's voice.

Before she knew it, she saw a huge figure she recognized. "H-Hello Dedue! I am looking for Sylvain, could you point me in the direction of his room?" He turned to face her, blinking slowly and registering her request. 

"... Really?" She gave a quick nod and hoped that hid her bright red face. "... Oh right, you write that story he likes so much. He's down the hall, second door on the left. If you find Felix's room, you've gone too far." Dedue gave a friendly smile and Bernie tried to give one back. Considering his tone, Sylvain must not have come back bloodied and limping from his dated encounter. She made her way to the room, which was not hard to miss. On the door was a little whiteboard filled with drawings and in-jokes from various other Blue Lion dormmates, along with a basket of condoms outside the room with a sign stating "Only Idiots Tap Without A Wrap". Definitely Sylvain's room. She thought about knocking, but thought better of it and simply sent a text with "You okay? I stopped by, but I can leave if you want." She sat across from the door and tried not to stare at the text screen as she waited for a response. 

\---

"Look, I'm just saying you don't love me like I love you. That's all." Sylvain looked at the woman across from him, arms folded. She seemed shocked, unable to respond to such a ridiculous statement. "Of course I don't! We met a week ago, I would be insane to fall in love with you!" Sylvain just gave a sigh as he ran his hands through his hair and pointed at the door. "Then you aren't worth my time. Just leave." She seemed to be growing more furious by the moment, her hands balling into fists.

"Who the hell is worth your time? You are such a selfish and absorbed little prick, maybe you'll find a woman when you can look past your own nose! Asshole!"

With that she yanked the door open and spotted Bernadetta. She blinked a few times and then whirled around, jamming a finger in Sylvain's chest. "Are you for-fucking-real? Couldn't go five minutes without another girl to wrap around your fingers, huh?" She spun back to face Bernie and the anger coming off the woman made her feel incredibly small. "I am giving you advice: run. He isn't worth it, no one is worth having to deal with this - this manipulative bastard!" With that, she stormed off and seemed to leave fire and fury in her wake. Sylvain looked out to see who she had been talking about and locked eyes with Bernadetta and felt his entire skeleton try to leave his body.

"Oh, wow. I am sorry you had to see that, haha! Sort of a shitty window into my life, y'know how it is. Uh, did you need something? Did I leave something back at your room?" Bernie shook her head quickly and just held up her phone. Sylvain got the hint; sometimes Bernie had trouble with words, she probably texted him something. He pulled his phone out and saw the text, frowning and nervously scratching at his arm. "I'm okay." He watched as she pursed her lips and shook her head.

"No … that seemed really brutal."

Sylvain gave a small laugh and looked to the direction the woman had left. "Actually, that is pretty par for the course. Nothing got thrown at me this time." Bernie's eyes widened and she stood up, slow at first and made her way over to look at him face to face as best as possible - he had at least a head and a half on her, but she still seemed to make an effort to make eye contact.

"I don't get it."

"Get what?"

She paused, looking away as she tried to figure out the correct words to say. She couldn't make herself look back up as she continued. "I don't get why anyone would say something like that. You … you're always really nice. To me, at least. How come you are so nice to me?"

For once, Sylvain was at a loss for words. He took a step back and leaned against the open door frame, shoving both his hands in his pocket. This time, she seemed to look to him as he averted his gaze. "I can just tell you're honest, is all. Most of the women here aren't."

"Then how come you, uh …" She tried to gesture at the basket of condoms but got too embarrassed, finishing her sentence with, "h-hang out with all these girls?"

He gave an absent shrug. "To see if they prove me wrong. I really love all these women, but I can tell pretty quickly that none of them feel the same way. Once I realize that, they aren't really worth the time anymore." Bernie didn't have an answer to that, the emotions just seemed too foreign for her. He tried to give her a smile as he stood back up to full height, clasping a hand on her shoulder. She jerked initially, but didn't fully pull away. "Thanks for stopping by, Bee. I'll be fine." She gently moved his hand from her shoulder, which she did so slowly and deliberately that Sylvain was a little worried he may have been the first person to do something like that to her. Instead of nodding and rushing off, like he had expected, she instead sat down against the wall and waited. Sylvain waited for her to freak out, run off, apologize, something, but she stayed put. Eventually, he took a seat next to her and gave a small smile.

"Still can't resist me even after that display, huh?"

"You're a really good beta reader."

Those words practically knocked the wind out of him. He had tried to make a joke and she had to go and be sincere and leave him speechless. He tried to laugh it off, but found he couldn't look back at her as he heard her begin to tap away at her phone. "Thanks. It helps that you're an incredible writer." After a few quiet moments, she moved herself about a centimeter closer to him, a hair's breadth away from them physically touching. 

"What do you mean by 'honest'?"

"Women don't want to date me for me. They say they love me, but they just love what I have. They don't love who I am." She went quiet again, then turned to face him.

"That … doesn't really make any sense." He opened his mouth to give the response he usually have to Ingrid or Felix - they were all testing him, using him to get to what they really wanted, so he got what he wanted first - but she got in before he did. "Why date them in the first place?" 

He gave a half hearted shrug. "I just love women. I can't help it." She pursed her lips and wrinkled her nose at that. It may seem trivial to her, but it was his affliction: he loved all women, but they made no effort to love him back. Truly a curse he could never shake. 

"Even after all this time … you still love women? Even after all that?" 

He gave a nod and a melodramatic sigh. "One day, a truly honest woman will fall in love with me, truly in love, and it will shake me of my ways. Until then, just gotta keep looking for her." Bernadetta had turned away at this point, most likely sick of his antics. He couldn't blame her, most people seemed to tire of him quickly. She got up and entered his room, taking a seat on the floor as he always did in her room, opening up her laptop and the book she had taken out of the library a few weeks back. Sylvain gave a few confused blinks and shot up, looking around to make sure nothing scandalous was in eyesight. He sat cautiously on his bed and waited as she began murmuring about different ideas, letting himself fall into her rich fantasy world. 

His mind kept going back to what he had said to her: she was an honest woman. Bernadetta did not seem to care about his antics, his money, or his status. It seemed like she just enjoyed his company, and the feeling was foreign to him in the same way he guessed it was foreign to her. He was well aware of the rumors that surrounded her; the girl who never left her room, who would scream and faint at the drop of a hat, who missed half her in person classes out of fear. And yet, she had just come to his dorm, unprompted, and came into his room to sit and talk with him. Sylvain also made the astute observation that Bernadetta was probably the only non-Blue Lions girl to enter his dorm room with PG intentions, which only added to the weird situation between them. Though she seemed completely unphased, and he was the one getting nervous. The day eventually stretched to night, and he found himself yawning as she went on.

"Sorry, Bee. I gotta wake up early for practice tomorrow. Can we continue over text tomorrow?"

She got up and nodded, apologizing profusely once she realized the time. She had always been a night owl, she forgot that other people went to sleep at regular hours. With that she left, closing the door behind her, and leaving Sylvain alone with his thoughts for the first time today. As she left, he felt a pain in his gut and chest that was all too familiar to him as a woman left his room.

Fuck. He was falling in love with another woman. Again. Though something about this felt decidedly different from all the other times, he would have to properly diagnose it in the morning. He turned on his side and clicked the light off on his bedside table. Maybe he'd sleep it off in the morning and go back to just enjoying the work of Dionaea_Muscipula, and not fall in love with Bernadetta von Varley.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Genuinely curious how you un-stupid Sylvain, I gotta know for science

Bernie waited outside the RA's room, clutching her bag tight. Edelgard had asked everyone in Black Eagles to meet with her some time this week to catch up and make sure they were all doing all right, and as always, Bernie had put it off until the last minute. She knew Edelgard wouldn't be mad, but she could sound mad. Plus, Hubert would be with her and Hubert was terrifying. "Hubert, can you get the door? My nails are still drying." No response, but the door opened quickly afterwards.

"Ah, Bernadetta. So nice of you to join us."

Hubert spoke in a quiet, rasping tone that always made her want to hide and scream a little. He meant no harm, he always said so, but it was hard to ignore her prey drive. She shuffled in, avoiding eye contact. She did spot that Hubert was also sporting two hands of jet black nails, with two little glitter accent nails on each ring finger. She smiled a little to herself and took a seat across from Edelgard, blowing on her own matching set. "So," Edelgard began, "How have your classes been going? We don't have any together this semester so it has been tough to keep track of you." Edelgard was an English major Pre-Law, while Bernadetta was a History major with a focus in English, which meant their classes on occasion overlapped.

"Oh, fine. I-I have mostly online classes anyway, so they're easy to do." Edelgard hummed a positive response, tightening the lid on the black nail polish. Bernie spotted that each nail also had a small crescent moon charm, with tiny gems sitting in between each of them. It was actually kind of cute. "Oh, uh … I've been meaning to tell you." Maybe thinking about Edelgard's adorable manicure could keep her from speaking too fast. A quirked brow from the RA set her teeth on edge. "I've, uh … I've been having … a boy stop by … j-just once a week though! I'm sorry!" Edelgard sighed and squeezed the bridge of her nose.

"Bernadetta, our dorms are co-ed. You don't have to tell me if a 'boy' is coming by."

"I'm sorry!" Bernie ducked her head in shame, feeling incredibly stupid. "E-even if they are from another dorm …?"

"Yes, Bernadetta. Anyone is welcome to come by, just be safe." Edelgard looked to Hubert, who seemed to be hiding a smirk behind his hands. Now that Bernie thought about it, if boys weren't allowed in girl's dorms, Hubert would violate that rule daily. The two seemed inseparable, so it hadn't even crossed her mind. "Who is it that's been visiting you? I haven't heard anything about this." Edelgard had leaned forward on the little folding table, like a snake eyeing up a mouse in tall grass.

"O-Oh, it's Sylvain. D-D-Don't get any ideas!!" Immediately Bernie knew she was in for a talk she didn't want, and she was ready to bolt for the door. Hubert had moved in front of it when she had looked away, leaving her trapped. Now she was forced to hear a conversation about how she needed to be safe, be smart, use protection, so on. The thought made her go cherry red to her ears. Instead, Edelgard just seemed a little surprised.

"Sylvain? That seems an odd choice. How come?"

"He's been the one reading my fics online and leaving those really nice comments." Bernie trailed off, looking at her feet and smiling to herself. He had always sounded so sincere, and while he didn't leave comments anymore - he usually would just send her long texts - it never failed to make her feel accomplished. A feeling mostly foreign to her before she had started publishing her creative writing. Edelgard reached over and took Bernadetta's hands, holding them gently between hers. 

"That seems really nice, Bernie. I trust you, don't worry. Really."

"T-Thanks Edie." She looked up and met her eyes, and she did look sincere. Edelgard's eyes looked down at Bernie's chewed up nails and gave a small frown.

"Do you mind if I clean these up a little? It'll kill me if I let you leave without a little buffing."

"S-Sure, do you have any purples?"

\---

Sylvain was pacing back and forth in his room, Felix sitting on the ground and growing more frustrated by the minute. Sylvain had bugged him all morning after practice to come over, that he was having a crisis of the heart. Felix did not seem to care too terribly about this crisis, but came by nonetheless. "So, you know I have been going to Bee - er, Bernadetta's room to help her with her story, right?" Felix nodded and looked up at his best friend, practically pacing a rut in the ground. Sylvain was always such a dramatic person, and rarely had girl problems that he did not cause himself. 

"I am familiar with her."

"I think I am in love with her." A loud groan, and Felix already had his head in his hands.

"Why."

"She is so smart! So talented, so kind, so sincere! I mean who wouldn't fall for someone like that? I am only human, Fe!" Felix massaged his temples and shook his head, figuring Sylvain had more to say, he always did. "I have been going to her room like once a week, and I touched her shoulder for the first time yesterday! This is the slowest I have ever gone with a woman in my life, at least be proud of that!"

"I have no reason to be proud of you for falling for another woman you will inevitably hurt." The words stabbed like a knife in his heart. Sylvain knew he was right, he had a pretty terrible track record. But this was different, he knew it was different from before. He finally collapsed on his bed, a hand on his head. Felix looked up at him, his closest friend, having a meltdown about a woman he barely knew. Sylvain had no proper rebuttal, instead he rolled over on his bed to face the wall. He heard Felix get up to leave and wait at the door. "I have no advice to give. I only hope I'm wrong, Syl. Bernadetta is … not someone I would like to see get hurt by you." With that, he seemed to twist the knife and spit in his open wound, then leave.

Once the door closed, Sylvain let out a loud groan and threw his pillow at the door. He loved that man more than anything in the world and he knew Felix Fraldarius would never steer him in the wrong direction. Felix would never lie to him, and yet clearly he could not see this was not like the other girls. It was so obvious! He didn't want to hurt Bernadetta either, normally that did not stop him. To care about how the other woman would react if he decided to keep looking for the right woman once he realized she was not the one? But he was certain. He was dead set: Bernadetta von Varley was definitely the woman he was looking for. He thought. Reasonably it could be a lot of other women, and - he jerked upright, yanking at his hair in frustration. How the hell was he supposed to tell his brain to just relax, for once? Not everything was a hunt, not every woman was a potential prize to be won as he moved on to find the most lucrative one. 

And yet.

For years, that was how he functioned. Practically since he was a child. Sylvain had it hammered into his mind and body since he was little that all he was worth was the name he was born with and his natural talent. His older brother had always been envious; so envious, in fact, that he would regularly beat the snot out of little Sylvain. Better make our family proud, he could hear ringing in his ears, better make us all proud or you have destroyed our entire family name. Better make it count. That is all you are good for. How the hell did he break himself out of that drive to hunt? The almost surgical precision he would find a woman, fall for her, identify her true intentions, and move on? Thinking about it made him wish Felix was back so he could unload all of these thoughts on someone. He clicked through his phone, then decided to take a bold risk.

"Hey, you around?"

Sylvain already felt stupid for doing this. This was such an awful, bad idea and he was absolutely going to regret it. Talking about his feelings? To someone he liked? This was seeming like a worse idea as time dragged on.

"Yeah, you can come by! It's a little messy tho"

He was shaking his own head at himself, what an absolutely idiotic idea. He already has his shoes on and was getting ready to head out, but spotted Dimitri and Dedue by the end of the hall. He jogged up and put a hand on Dimitri's shoulder, looking at him with pleading eyes.

"Dimi. Tell me what I am about to do is stupid."

"What? What are you doing?" Dimitri hardly slept, and he always looked it. Poor guy was an absolute mess, he figured without Dedue, Dimitri wouldn't function at all. 

"I'm going to talk about my feelings. To a girl."

"Oh, don't you do that all the time?" Somehow Sylvain had forgotten that Dimitri had zero ability to court a woman. Of course he thought you just opened up to them immediately. What a sweet, precious fool.

"No! You and I both know that shit is for bottling up until you are old and die." Dimitri gave a resolute nod at that, then caught himself and shook his head.

"No, I mean. I agree, to an extent. But it's not exactly a great idea. Right, Dedue?" Dedue placed a hand on Dimitri's shoulder and nodded.

"Sylvain, it is probably for the best if you … feel a desire to break some of your habits." Dedue decided to chime in, only making Sylvain feel worse that this was actually the correct thing to do.

"Well, you two were no help at all. Guess I am about to go fuck everything up." Dimitri tried to stop him, but did not make enough of an effort to keep Sylvain from walking out of the dorm and out across the green to the Black Eagles dorms. It felt like an eternity before he ended up in front of Bernadetta's door, which was already a little open for him. She said the knock always scared her, even when she knew someone was coming, so she kept it open enough that she could see when someone wanted to come in. 

"Hey, Bee - oh wow." 

He pushed the door open to see her hunched over her desk, in the midst of painting something that involves a lot of greens. Many of those green paints were sitting on her floor, as the canvas took up most of her workspace. He took a seat on the bed and watched as she worked. She was methodical as she painted what looked to be a study of some plant she was looking at on her phone. He wasn't sure what it was, but it certainly looked neat. It was tough to see over her crouched figure, but he didn't want to inconvenience her by asking for a show. Instead, he waited for her to be ready to talk.

"I thought you had practice and class on Wednesday?"

Sylvain gave a shrug and tried to keep himself from getting too emotional too fast. "Yeah, it wasn't too bad, though. Plus I wanted to come see you." She almost dropped her brush, seeming to hunch over even more. She took a few beats to response, giving a little laugh. 

"O-Oh. That's nice!" Silence. Back to painting. Sylvain laid back on her bed, looking up at the blank ceiling. He waited patiently for her to respond, but soon became lost in the sound of the brush strokes. The sound of gentle scraping against canvas was enough to almost make him doze off, if not for the immense amount of fear in his stomach. She leaned the canvas up against her wall and spun her chair around to grab a new color, yelping as she saw him stretched out on her bed. "Y-you really shouldn't be up there!!" Sylvain gave a chuckle and sat up, sliding himself off the bed and making himself a little space on the floor.

"My bad. Wasn't a whole lot of space in my usual spot, and figured you wouldn't mind seeing a beautiful man on your bed." The more he spoke, the more he was convincing himself this was a worse and worse idea. He had been doing so well before he realized he had fallen for her, and now he was going to do what he did best: fuck it all up for no reason. She spun herself back around and put her head in her hands, leaving a few small streaks of paint on her face. He liked seeing her embarrassed, it was cute and a little fun, but this just felt mean. He scrubbed at his face with the back of his hand as if to wipe away how shitty this felt. "Sorry, Bee. It's hard for me not to - you know." Her head bobbed, but she was still facing the other direction. He took a deep breath and tried to restart.

"What're ya painting?"

"I've been trying to paint the church grounds on campus, but sort of, uh. Make it more like a setting for the fic? I have a couple different pictures I've been trying to use, but it's really tough." She sounded a lot more level headed when she spoke about something she really cared about. It reminded him of when they spoke on her writing - she was much more focused. He got up, dodging the paint tubes, and looked over her shoulder to get a good view. The painting looked great, she seemed to be struggling morphing the church into something more castle shaped, but it still was an incredible piece.

"It looks really great! How come you used the church if you were going to have to change it to a different building?"

"It's pretty easy for me to get up and take a bunch of different pictures of it, since it is so close." Well that certainly made sense. He moved his head around to try and take in the whole piece. 

"The way the lighting hits the stones of the building is really beautiful. You've certainly got an eye for this sort of thing." She smiled and set the painting back up against the wall, taking a second to look at it from afar.

"It's not ready yet … but I want to attach it to my next chapter. I think it'll set up the battle scene really nicely."

"Definitely. I'm excited to read it!" Sylvain gave her a smile, and she laughed and smiled back in return. All he had to do was shift the focus, and she bloomed so brilliantly in front of him. It also helped when he kept his big, dumb mouth shut and didn't try to corner her with one liners. Fighting off his natural urges to ruin everything would be a battle, but it could be possible. His hand was resting on the back of her chair and she didn't even react. She looked up at him, their faces close, and gave a little snort.

"You've got such a goofy smile."

"Look who's talking!" Sylvain looked mock offended, but hearing her compliment him made him want to blush. She laughed and stuck her tongue out, wheeling her chair around to face him. He moved to rest a hand on the arm of the chair, keeping the two close. Bernadetta seemed to realize this too late and looked away, covering her face with a hand. She didn't seem quite as nervous, but she would need time. Sylvain was not used to giving space and time, but he had to find a way to make it work. If he fucked up with something so beautiful and precious, he would never forgive himself. She looked back up at him, a smile peeking through her fingers. 

Sylvain could feel himself writing poetry about this single moment. A few inches away from a flower-turned-human, her face glowing with blush and with a pure joy that left him absolutely speechless. In any other situation he would be unable to stop himself from embracing her, but drinking it in was more than enough for him.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sylvain is stupid but charming, the chapter

"Sylvain Jose Gautier. What an unusual circumstance to be meeting you here."

Sylvain had bid Bernadetta farewell for the night and got about five steps out the door before he ran into Hubert. Great. "Is there a reason Hresvelg's lap dog was snooping outside Bernadetta's door?" He frowned and crossed his arms, getting a dismissive tongue click from Hubert. He was certainly a weird dude, there was no arguing that. Plenty of rumors about him, but Sylvain didn't need those to know he was a grade A creep. "I wasn't doing anything, in case you were trying to rat me out. Better luck next time." He tried to get past him, but Hubert didn't budge. This only succeeded in making Sylvain angrier, and the last thing he needed was to get himself in trouble for beating up a Black Eagle. Plus he was too pretty to get into fights. 

"You misunderstand my intentions, Gautier. I simply was returning to my own rooms for the evening. But the way you have chosen to defend yourself makes me think you have something to hide. Care to share?"

Sylvain rolled his eyes and shoved his hands back in his pockets. "I was talking to Bernadetta. That's all. I'm being defensive because I am currently cornered in a dorm that is not mine by a known creep. Can we be done with this?" Hopefully Hubert realized he was telling the honest-to-goddess truth and would leave him alone. Hubert kept his eyes on him, stepping to the side. 

"So be it. Run along to your House now, I imagine they are terribly worried about you right now. And they should be -"

"Hubert, that's enough." Edelgard stepped out from behind him, blocking Sylvain's path yet again. At least this time it was a beautiful woman and not a huge weirdo. "Sorry, Sylvain. He and I are both just a little on edge at the moment. You should get back, it's getting late." With that, the two left in the other direction. Edelgard did pause as she walked past, turning her head back for a moment. "I am trusting Bernadetta on this fool's errand, I hope you prove all of us wrong." With that, the two were gone. God, everyone was starting to sound like Felix. Was he just some out of control sex maniac to these people? It wasn’t a fully incorrect assumption, and he probably deserved it, but it still stung. He tried to let his mind drift back to the wonderful night he had just enjoyed with Bernadetta - laughing, smiling, theorycrafting, and just enjoying one another’s presence. As much as he would have loved to progress further, something about these chaste interactions was equally fulfilling. He just found more and more reasons every day to spend time with her, and it always felt worth it.

\---

Bernadetta hated when people knocked on her door. It always terrified her, it would send her back to when nervous private tutors would knock on her door to let her know that her father was looking for her. To knock on her door meant trouble, so hearing someone knock in the early morning made her jump out of bed, scrambling to see what she could make out in the little peephole. "W-who is it?" She could make out blonde hair, but no one in the Black Eagles was blonde. She opened the door slightly and confirmed her suspicions: Ingrid Brandl Galatea. Ingrid gave her a warm smile and a wave.

"Hey, Bernadetta! Could we talk for a bit?"

"Is this about Sylvain?" 

Ingrid gave a sigh and looked away, pulling her arms to her body. "That obvious, huh. Mind if I come in?" Bernadetta would have preferred not to have this conversation at all, let alone have her come in, but Ingrid seemed pretty worried and she would feel bad just slamming the door in her face. Bernie opened the door enough for Ingrid to enter, making sure to close it behind them. Hopefully there would be no more visitors this morning, at least not without warning her. "I just wanted to be sure everything was all right. Sylvain was going on his usual spiel with Felix, but no one had talked to you yet. Has he done anything … well has he done anything stupid?"

Bernadetta put a hand to her chin in thought. "Mm … nothing too bad, really. He's embarrassing, but not, y'know … mean." She could tell Ingrid meant well. Sylvain had mentioned how close the three of them had been as kids: him, Felix, and Ingrid. Dimitri too, but that was a little different. Ingrid let out a big sigh of relief. 

"If you would believe this, I think this has been the longest he's been seeing a woman and hasn't had it go catastrophically wrong. What's your secret?"

Bernadetta quirked her head to the side. "Secret? We just talk about stories. I-I like to write, and we just talk about that really. Sometimes other stuff, b-but mostly stories." Ingrid pounded her fist into her hand.

"Oh! You are the one who writes the fic! I forgot, he has told me about that." Bernadetta couldn't help but blush. Sylvain did frequently tell her that he would talk about the fic to his friends, and it always made her nervous. More eyes meant more people could potentially hate it, though people like that usually just stopped reading instead of bullying her in comments. Ingrid put a hand on Bernadetta's shoulder and gave her a friendly smile. "Well if anything - and I mean ANYTHING - happens, please let me know. Sylvain is a really great guy, he gets a bad rap because he is also a huge pile of shit, but he is pretty great! It's really cool that you two are dating, I think you're really good for him!"

Bernadetta turned bright crimson. "D-d-d-ating?!"

"Oh no."

\---

Sylvain received two different texts from his phone at almost the same time.

Bernadetta: "Are we dating???"

Ingrid: "I am coming to your room in less than 5 minutes to murder you and then maybe myself because I hate you so much"

Well neither of these seemed like great avenues for him to go on. At least he had about five minutes to devise an escape plan, or maybe hide behind Dimitri until Ingrid calmed down. He got out of bed headed down the hall, texting Bernadetta first. "Nah, just your beta reader. Ingrid doesn't get it" That seemed reasonable! He would love for Bernadetta to be his girlfriend, fiance, wife, and then mother to his children, but at this point he figured saying that would make none of those things happen. He was learning! Slowly, but surely. He then sucked in a quick breath and decided to send a text to Ingrid that may just get him killed faster, for fun. "Not my fault you think I am a babe magnet and that my meat is huge and powerful ❤️❤️❤️😎". With that, he knocked on Dimitri's door, and as soon as the door open he zipped in and hid behind him.

"What did you do this time?"

"Oh, you know. Just having fun upsetting Ingrid."

"Sylvain, why do you do this?" A loud knocking was heard down the hall, then a ferocious kick. 

"You better not be hiding, you idiot!" Dimitri opened his door, Sylvain groaning at how quickly his perfect cover was exposed. He knew he should have just tried to leave town and change his name, Dimitri was never willing to help out. Ingrid's head whipped down the hall and stomped over to Dimitri, gently reaching her hand around him and gripping Sylvain's arm as he yanked him out from cover. "I hate you so much!!"

"Hey, I never said we were dating! Not once!" Ingrid had a fist pulled back, but did not seem to go much farther than threatening him. She held him for a bit longer before releasing him, dusting her hands off and grumbling. Sylvain took a deep breath and turned to Dimitri to properly give his side of the story.

"So you see, I have been faithfully and respectfully spending time with a lady and my dearest, closest friend here assumed I was - well, I don't want to sully your delicate sensitivities but -"

Ingrid did punch him this time, but just on the shoulder. It still hurt, and he rubbed his arm and gave Dimitri a whimper. Dimitri, being a good friend, gave Ingrid a pleading look. "Let's not berate him for actually listening to us for once, right Ingrid?" She flexed her hand, looking away and giving a huff. They both picked up that she was more upset that she was wrong, not that Sylvain had actually done anything. Without another word she left the two, allowing Sylvain a breath of relief.

"Thanks for being on my side for once, buddy."

"I can't remember the last time Ingrid was wrong about you being with a woman, I was just in shock."

"Oh, she was probably just mad at the text back I sent her." Dimitri rolled his eyes as Sylvain pulled out his phone and showed him the text with a cheesy grin.

"Please get out of my room before I hit you next."

"You got it!"


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blue Lions being dumb friends and having fun, featuring an absolutely feral Felix

"Okay, so we have a few different drink options. Felix and Dimi always like whiskey, me and Ingrid are going to have some tequila. What about you?"

Bernadetta looked around the fridge, already feeling overwhelmed. They were in Dimitri's room for the night, since RAs always got the biggest room on the floor. His fridge was pretty stacked, and figuring out what to pick made her dizzy. She went with the only thing she really liked to drink, a hard cider. "Oh, Ashe is usually the one who drinks those. Good choice!" She wasn't drinking anything strong, but she could get tipsy pretty quickly. In her mind, it was a level playing field. Sylvain poured her a drink in a cup matching the others, then grabbed them all to sit on the floor with Ingrid, Dimitri, and Felix. Bernie followed and sat next to him, with Felix on her other side. 

She had tried to convince practically every member of Black Eagles and none were very interested. Caspar was, but she didn't really want to bring another wild energy in so she quickly rescinded her invite. Lindhart said it was past waking hours, Edelgard and Hubert typically avoided the Blue Lions dorm, Ferdinand said it was too childish, Petra had no idea what Never Have I Ever was, and Dorothea said she would rather not have to deal with drunk Sylvain. All valid complaints, she couldn't make anyone do anything. Plus she figured having Sylvain would keep her safe anyway. "Okay," Sylvain started, gathering the group's attention. "House rules. You state something you have never done, anyone who has done it takes a drink. If you finish your cup, you have to tell an embarrassing story. Unless we get down to the wire, no obviously pointed rounds. That means you, Felix."

"Shut up. If I want to win, then I'll do what I want."

"Felix you can't really 'win' this - whatever. Okay, I'll start. Never have I ever had a tattoo."

"Fuck you." Felix and Dimitri both drank. Felix pulled back a sleeve to show two years on his wrist - 1988 to 2014. Bernadetta could guess what that was for, so she just nodded. Dimitri had a similar style tattoo on his shoulder. 

"No Felix, you better show the wolf too." Sylvain had a big grin on his face as Felix flipped him off, rolling up his pantleg to reveal a brilliantly detailed wolf with a sword in its mouth. Bernadetta leaned in close and gasped, it was a beautiful display of artistry. Felix blushed and covered it back up quickly. With that, Ingrid was geared up to go next. She pointed at each and every one of them.

"Never have I ever dyed or bleached my hair." Everyone but Ingrid drank. Bernie was surprised at Sylvain and Dimitri, and eagerly awaited their stories. 

"I went black for a VERY short period of time. Terrible idea." Dimitri looked very embarrassed, his friends all snickering as he looked down at his drink.

"I bleached my hair once, also a stupid idea. I look way better with my natural color." He ran a hand through his hair and winked at Ingrid. She rolled her eyes and looked at Felix and Bernadetta.

"And neither of you are naturally that color." The two nodded, so she turned to Dimitri. "Okay, your turn." Dimitri put a hand to his chin, stroking it in thought.

"Never have I ever gotten myself into a fight I couldn't win."

"Sylvain why the FUCK did you barely fill my cup. I hate you." He crushed the empty solo cup in his hand as Sylvain finished his sip, trying not to laugh and get it up his nose.

"Not my fault you down it every round. I would say I've gotten into fights I can't win with women more times than I can count."

"I'm not answering." Felix looked indignant, so Dimitri sighed and gave him a handwave. 

"Fine, fine. Felix, your story?" He grumbled and tried to reach back in his mind for something good, likely something that would also get Sylvain in trouble too. 

"One time Sylvain and I tried to snowboard off a steep hill in a rock quarry. I broke my arm, he broke … hm. You broke your ankle, right?" Sylvain gave a nod and groan. 

"God, what a stupid idea that was. Whose idea was that anyway?"

"Yours." Felix gave a smirk and pushed his shoulder as he got up and went to fill himself up more whiskey. Once he sat back down, he looked around the room to size everyone up. "Never have I ever kissed someone who wasn't a Blue Lion." Sylvain and Ingrid both drank, with Ingrid looking particularly red. Everyone turned to face her.

"U-uh … I've maybe had a night out with Dorothea before." Bernadetta gasped. Dorothea was beautiful, any woman would be blessed to have enjoyed an evening with her. Sylvain put a hand to his heart and stuck his lower lip out.

"You got to kiss Dorothea before me? You sly dog!" Ingrid pushed him, looking away from everyone and feeling rather exposed. "Oh right, an embarrassing story for me. Hmmmmmm. One time I stole a cat off the street to impress a girl. I got covered in scratch marks and she didn't give me a second thought." Bernie gave a laugh at that, waiting for Sylvain to come back before starting her round.

"Never have I ever threatened a member from the Black Eagles."

Silence as everyone looked in their cups and drank, causing Bernadetta to almost fall down with the giggles. 

"Edelgard and Hubert." Dimitri mumbled out.

"Same." Felix rolled his eyes.

"I've nearly thrown Caspar across a room." Ingrid gave a shrug.

"Oh one time I complimented Edelgard within earshot of Ferdinand and he was ready to rip all of my limbs off." Bernadetta couldn't contain herself as she was now on the floor laughing. How could she have been so scared of all of these people? Once she composed herself, she got back up.

"Oh I think it is my turn for an embarrassing story." Ingrid scratched at the back of her head as she looked at her empty cup. "I used to have full conversations with the horses on my family's farm. And uh … I thought they would respond back." Bernadetta blinked a few times, trying to figure out why that was embarrassing. The boys all seemed to be grinning. She shrugged and took a sip of her cider. 

"All right, back to me."

The game went on, Dimitri telling a story of when him and Felix shaved rats and froze them, with Dimitri trying to felt the rat fur into a smaller rat. The boys all seemed to laugh at that, with Ingrid making an apologetic look at Bernadetta. Finally, Bernadetta found her cup empty, and she had to figure out an embarrassing story. She sucked a breath in and stared down at the floor.

"I might have written … smut before." Sylvain's eyes went wide as he covered his mouth, scrambling to be face to face with her. The others blinked a few times and shrugged, with Felix blushing a bit, but none seemed quite as affected as Sylvain was. 

"B-Bernie … please. Please let me read this or I'll die." Within moments, Felix and Ingrid had a hand on his shoulders and yanked him back, glaring down at him. Bernadetta giggled a bit at the sight.

"I-it's okay guys, I don't even think I have it anymore." Sylvain fell back on the floor and let out a wail, his friends all covering their faces in disgust. Bernadetta had stayed for most of the night, as the Blue lions got increasingly drunk. Sylvain and Felix were fighting over music, with the fight only halting for Felix to run to the bathroom to vomit. Sylvain snickered and switched the music to his playlist, consisting entirely of modern divas of pop. Born in the USA blared in the room, punctuated by Sylvain and Ingrid whooping loudly and Felix retching in the bathroom. Sylvain took Bernadetta's hands and smiled.

"Do you dance?"

"M-maybe now, not usually." She laughed and danced with him, humming along to the song a bit off key. Eventually Felix stumbled out and leapt onto Sylvain with a new vigor, tackling him to the ground. Ingrid and Dimitri sighed as they broke the two up, Dimitri holding Felix back with ease. 

"Bastard … we always get stuck listening to his shitty music!" Ingrid helped Sylvain off the ground and brushed him off, it seemed like the sudden movement made him a little wobbly too. Bernadetta simply went over to the iPhone and took it off the speaker, plugging hers in and turning on a variety of vocaloid chip tunes. This seemed to soothe Felix enough for Dimitri to let go of him, and dancing resumed. Sylvain had found himself on the couch to stabilize a bit, just watching Bernadetta and his friends all laugh and dance. He scrubbed at his face and found it was a little damp, either from Felix's barf sweats when he got tackled or he was starting to tear up, either was possible. He got back up and danced along, just letting himself get lost in the upbeat base line and the fog of alcohol.

About an hour or so into their impromptu dance party, a loud knocking came to the door. Dimitri opened it to find Dedue, and he reflexively turned the music down and offered him some of his whiskey. Dedue gently pushed it back, locking eyes with him. "It's 2am. You all should head back to your dorms. Bernadetta, I can walk you back." He leaned around Dimitri to address her, pulling her phone off the speakers and mumbling multiple apologies. Sylvain shook his head and gave a dismissive handwave.

"Nah nah, I got it Dedue. You tend to all these drunk idiots." That earned a fierce growl from Felix, though thankfully no more fisticuffs.

"You are also drunk, idiot."

"Yeah but I hold it better than you! I can walk across the green and keep a lady safe." He puffed his chest out and gave the most sober-drunk look he could muster, and Dedue acquiesced. Maybe next time they should invite him so he doesn't crash the party. Sylvain left with Bernadetta, who waved to the three remaining in the room, and to Dedue as he slowly made his way back to his room. Bernadetta was still pretty put together since she had only been drinking cider, Sylvain ended up leaning on her to make sure he could walk back safely. At one point he just stopped walking entirely and leaned on her, causing her to laugh and wobble at his weight.

"Hey, I can't carry you! You're too big!" He almost fell as he caught himself again, Bernie holding his arm tight to keep him somewhat balanced. They were almost to the room, he could make it. She kept a tight grip on him to make sure he didn't fall, helping him up the stairs as the entered the Black Eagles dorm. Soon enough, they were at her room. And Sylvain fell hard into a sitting position on the ground. The world was still swimming, and he wasn't sure he could make his way back just yet. She got up on the bed and cracked open her laptop, letting the silence hang in the air for a while as she clicked around. Suddenly, she gasped and shook Sylvain's shoulder. He had fallen into a half sleep, and seemed a little lost as his eyes opened.

"Hey, I found … oh." Sylvain gave her a little smile then rolled away from her, getting comfortable on her floor. He managed to wriggle out of his jacket enough to pull it over himself, then was snoring in moments. Bernie flopped back on her bed, shutting her laptop. Oh well, another time. She got into pajamas and prayed he was actually asleep, then got under her covers. She peered at him from the bed, he seemed so much smaller passed out on her floor, all curled up and sleeping peacefully. Bernie smiled into her sheets and got herself comfortable. That wasn't a bad night at all. In fact, it was probably some of the most fun she had ever had. All it took was having someone she could trust to keep her safe. Someone who she could relax around, be herself around. As she drifted off to sleep, not terrified of the sleeping man on her floor, she could not quite get over this overwhelming feel of safety. Was this what it was like to not have crippling anxiety everywhere she went and with everyone she met? It was like a vicegrip on her brain was gently releasing, allowing it to pilot her like it wasn't about to get squished under the pressure of constant fear. 

For the first time in years, Bernadetta fell asleep and had no nightmares.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Who is ready for shirtless Sylvain, because I sure as hell am

Sylvain pushed the slightly-open door to see, oddly enough, a fully clean work space. "All right, Bee, what are we working on today?" She ushered him in and closed the door behind him, pointing to the chair she had pushed up against her bed frame. He sat obediently, tapping his foot as he waited for instruction.

"I have to do a figure drawing today, and I thought it would be nice to, you know … talk and draw a little bit!" Sylvain was flattered, and he knew a thing or two about figure drawing.

"Don't I have to be naked for you to do this right?"

"N-no … but if you took your shirt off it would be easier for me." He nodded and pulled his jacket off, then rolled his shirt up and over his head. Sylvain was a big lacrosse player at the school, and the hours of practice he committed almost every morning showed. Bernadetta hid her face behind her large pad and fiddled around for her charcoal. "Just … be natural." Her window was open, the flimsy curtain fluttering with a light breeze. The open window cast a soft light on his left side, giving Bernie a suitable light source to begin drawing. For a minute or so it was silent, the sound of charcoal on paper filling the room. Sylvain had modeled for the figure drawing class a couple times - before they banned him permanently for a series of obvious reasons that should have barred him from being allowed in the first place - and the worst part was having to stay still. Once she seemed comfortable enough with her starting point, she spoke up.

"So I've been thinking … about Beatrice going back to her father's castle." Sylvain's eyes widened as he couldn't help but lean forward a bit.

"Really? Even after he trapped her in the basement?"

"So I was thinking," she tilted her head, sticking her tongue out of her mouth as she tried to focus on something on the paper. "That the enemy decides to take her father out - since he is a powerful Lord. They send an assassin -"

Sylvain gasped. "Oh, shit. But why save that asshole? Just let the assassin take him out, it's a red herring. Then Beatrice can go in and snipe the enemy commander while their focus is elsewhere." She agreed with the premise, but it felt obvious. Her heroine held a resentment towards her father, but to let him die to some no-name? That just wouldn't do. 

"I was thinking she saves him from the assassin, suddenly the power dynamic changes." She smudged the charcoal, drawing over the area and giving a grin. "Plus, she would want to finish the job herself. If you had a bully, and someone else beat him up, wouldn't you feel, y'know, a little cheated?" Sylvain inches himself back on the chair, hopefully to his starting position, and gave a quick shrug.

"Sounds to me like there's no more bully. Win win to me." Bernie gave a noise of disapproval, either at his opinion or the drawing he couldn't quite make out. Silence continued for a short while longer, then she pat the ground a few times to find her phone. 

"Okay stay still, going to take pics of a few different angles."

"Okay. Make sure to get my good side." He gave a wink as she got up, turning her phone to take pictures from a few different locations in the room. On the bed, sitting on top of her desk, right next to him. He tried to keep his eyes in the same direction, but it was hard not to dart glances at her as she worked. She had such an interesting way of looking at things, much more artistic than he was. He had written a little here or there, but Bernie did all sorts of things. Gardened, knit, drew, wrote, she was a woman of many trades and it made Sylvain almost prideful. While they weren't *dating*, he did enjoy getting to brag that he was seeing a woman with such varied and interesting tastes. Felix and Ingrid always just assumed he found the prettiest girl and ruined her life in a week or less. He had been seeing Bernie now for almost a month and a half with no problems yet.

Bernie stopped and looked at Sylvain for a few moments longer than she had for the previous pictures, so his head turned to look where she was looking. She had found a scar on his stomach and was studying it closely. Without thinking, she reached a hand out to touch it, gently at first, then pressing her hand against it. "What's this from?"

"My brother. Kind of a bummer of a story. Lucky for me, this is the only scar he left." She sat up on the desk, close enough to still investigate the scar. It was from almost a decade ago, and had healed over completely. There was still a bump where the scarred flesh grew, but it didn't cause him pain anymore. Thankfully he had missed all of the delicate organs that sit where the stomach is, but that didn't mean he was free from dealing with several long term problems because of it. Nights moaning in pain because he couldn't sleep, food looking gray and unappetizing because he knew it would feel like poison in his stomach. Now it was only a painful, distant memory, a memory that tickled a little when Bernadetta touched it. 

"Sorry, I didn't know …"

"It's chill. Doesn't bother me anymore." He gave a dismissive handwave and leaned back on the chair, spreading his legs to get a little more comfortable. She nodded absentmindedly and put her phone and sketchpad on her desk. Sylvain got up and leaned in to see what she had so far. It was crazy how much could be done in a few short minutes - there he was, looking off into the distance, looking hot as hell. He ran a hand through his hair and smirked at the rendition of himself. "Great job so far, Bee. Almost as good as the real thing." He pushed the chair back to the desk and fell back on the bed, his shirt and jacket underneath him. She had been quiet, simply watching him move about. Eventually she took in a deep, shaky breath and spoke up.

"Can I … sit next to you?"

"Totally." She gingerly sat beside him, staring hard at her own feet. He took a risk and snaked an arm around her waist, holding her to his chest. She made no objective, just a soft whining noise as she closed her eyes and turned bright red. "Care to let me in on what you're thinking?" She planted her face against his side and shook her head quickly. He brought his other arm around and held her, trying not to absolutely lose his mind at the first real physical contact the two shared. She said something unintelligible and muffled into him, her breathe hot on his skin. "Can't hear ya, what's up?" She pulled her face away, her eyes squeezed shut as she spoke fast.

"Y-you're really pretty!!!"

She hid against him again, squeaking out apologies but not trying to escape or squirm away from his touch. He just held onto her, resting his chin on her head. Eventually she calmed down and let out a few slow, deep breaths. Bernie found herself hugging Sylvain back despite having no memory of doing that. Her nostrils were now filled with the scent of Sylvain's strong deodorant, a heavy musk that made her head swim this close. But it all felt … nice. She couldn't remember the last time she had hugged a man, especially one she actually liked. Bernie angled her head up, causing Sylvain to take his chin off and look into her eyes. 

"Do you … like me?"

"Have I not made it obvious? Yeah, Bee. I definitely like you." Suddenly his chest felt light and he felt himself turning red. Was this really happening? He swallowed as his mouth felt dry, dating to uncurl an arm from her to gently, so so gently, cup her cheek. At first touch she flinched, but left it as the hand rested on her face. She was hot too, they must both be feeling absolutely insane right now. She let her eyes close as she leaned into the hand a bit and gave a small, breathy laugh.

"I'm not … you know, very good at all this. I'm sure there are a lot of other women out there who actually know what they're doing." She put her head back against his chest, sighing to herself as she squeezed him a bit. He held her close and let silence hang for a few beats, before taking her hands in his and deciding to take a risk.

"I'm not either. I'm actually dogshit at dating. But I - hah, I actually really care about you, Bee. I'm willing to try if you are." Was he shaking? He tried to steady himself as best as he could, but struggled to keep himself grounded. She looked almost ready to cry, and he hoped it wasn't something stupid he had said. He would die on the spot if opening up made her cry. Instead she leaned her head against his collarbone and held his hands against her heart, feeling it trying desperately to break out of her chest. 

"Me too. It's been a long time since I tried something new." She spoke against his body so softly that it took Sylvain a moment to register just what she had said. Once it hit him, it felt like fireworks. He broke his hands from her grip to hug and lift her onto his lap, rocking her as he grinned gleefully. Bernie started to laugh, letting herself get crushed to his body - his beautiful, way-too-good-for-her body - and suddenly felt like she was worth something to someone. He had spent all this time hanging out with her, getting to know her, introducing her to his friends, and even after all of that, he still cared about her. He genuinely, honestly cared about her. And Bernadetta felt the same way. She broke the hug after a while and straightened herself out, Sylvain getting up behind her. 

"So, uh. Am I allowed to kiss you?" He felt incredibly stupid asking, but he would rather feel stupid and ask than feel like a megadouche and kiss her when she wasn't ready. She paused, turned to face him, and nodded quickly. Sylvain leaned down and pressed a soft kiss to her forehead, pushing the hair from her face. It was all so delicate, so careful. She leaned in and pecked around his shoulder area, just wanting to reciprocate but not fully sure how. 

If he was being totally honest, Sylvain had never reached this stage in a relationship before. Frequently, he went from talking to a girl to having sex with said girl, then becoming wildly disillusioned and breaking it off. He didn't think he had ever actually gone through the motions of dating. He had enough knowledge of the physical parts of a relationship, but was flying blind when it came to the emotional contract forged between two people. He really didn't know what Bernadetta would want or be comfortable with, and it was very possible she didn't know either. He had been on very good behavior since he started regularly seeing her, partially because Ingrid said if she caught any girl going to his room that weren't Bernadetta, she would kill him instantly. And he knew damn well that the rest of the Blue Lions would join in, with the Black Eagles also likely also helping to dig his grave as they threw his stupid, mangled body in. He could keep up that good behavior, most likely. Maybe this whole 'actually liking someone' business would mean he would feel no obligation to try to solicit random beautiful women. It was hard to say for sure, but so long as he had her, the rest of the world seemed bland in comparison. Bernadetta seemed to be messing around on her desk, looking for something as Sylvain had mused to himself, for her to pull out a little phone charm.

It was a small, purple rabbit made of resin. It had a small string through one of the ears, likely to attach to a phone or keychain. She took his hand and placed the little trinket in it. "I made this. I don't really, you know … have anything to show that we are l-like, 'official', so maybe this'll work." God she was so fucking cute. He went back to his jacket and pulled out his key chain, slipping it on with his school lanyard and card swipe. She clapped and gave a broad smile at the gesture, making Sylvain's legs feel like jelly. He soon realized he didn't have anything and went through a similar panic that Bernie had just experienced. Eventually he landed on a ring, his family's signet ring. It wasn't used for much anymore, not like he ever forgot it, but it seemed like a good enough token to exchange for the resin bunny. He pulled it off his finger and dropped it in her hand. 

"Probably a little too big for you, so maybe we can -"

"I'll make it a necklace!!" She clutched the ring tight and opened her desk drawer to root around in. She certainly came prepared when crafts were involved. She took a chain off a different necklace and looped the ring around it. Bernie made an excited noise and got up on her tip toes to kiss his cheek. "Thank you thank you thank you!!" That was more than enough to send his heart soaring. He gave her head another kiss and went back to put his shirt and jacket on as she fiddled with getting the signet necklace on. Well, that seemed to be that. They were 'official', and now Sylvain had to figure out the correct way to love, respect, and cherish someone as incredible as Bernadetta. It didn't seem so challenging a concept as it did a few weeks ago, as he now officially would move mountains if she asked him to.

Maybe this was what being in love actually felt like. Sylvain wasn't used to this kind of love, a love that lasted longer than a week or two. All he knew was this felt fucking awesome and he couldn't wait to continue experiencing it.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Black Eagles arrest Sylvain for his various horny crimes, and Blue Lions celebrate Bernadetta for possibly breaking Sylvain's horny curse

Sylvain had been minding his own business, longboarding around campus as he sometimes felt the need to do, when Dorothea Arnault stepped out in front of him, nearly causing him to topple over. He managed to stop and not damage himself or the beautiful woman in front of him, thankfully. Once he gathered himself, he registered in a little under half a second that this was not a chance meeting, nor was she about to profess her undying love for him. Instead she jabbed a manicured nail into his chest and looked at him with a deep hatred in her eyes.

"You sicken me. I don't even want to know how many other women you have given that round hunk of metal to, but you should know damn well by now that Bernie is not just one of your conquests --"

Sylvain sighed and pulled out his lanyard from his pocket, the little purple bunny dangling next to his card swipe. He figured this would probably be how he had to placate every Black Eagle for at least the next week until they all got the hint that Bernie was not a 'conquest', a 'plaything', a 'sidepiece' or whatever they all decided to come up with that day. "Look, no offense Dorothea, but you're the third Black Eagle to talk to me about this. She wanted to exchange something, that is what I gave her. That ring hasn't left my hand since my father gave it to me when I was about thirteen or so. Cool it." She folded her arms, unsatisfied with his answer. He was telling the truth, he barely even thought about the ring and wouldn't give it to any of the money driven women he had previously messed with. To him, that ring was his sign of status - a status he didn't give two shits about - but something he wouldn't give to a woman he thought was with him purely to secure that status for herself. Dorothea was investigating the little purple rabbit and gave a defeated sigh.

"I still don't trust you."

"I get it. I deserve that." Sylvain realized after Lindhart, of all people, had managed to chastise him for half an hour straight about trying to date Bernadetta when he previously could have been spotted with four different women on his arm on the same night. "Can you guys just, like. Hold a house meeting where you all get out how pissed this makes you so I don't have to do this one-on-one with each of you?" Sylvain told Dorothea about his two previous encounters with Lindhart and Petra, and she seemed to feel even worse about the whole situation. 

"I'll text people. We all just … we all are not used to seeing Bernie so happy, we just want her to be safe." Sylvain gave a smile as he thought about her. 

"Me too, Dorothea. But if you're ever feeling lonely, I am always happy to lend an ear, or whatever else-" she slapped him, hard. He was saying it as a joke and fully knew the implications of said joke, but it still hurt. "You're right, you're right, I better go." Her eyes glared holes into his back as he got back on his board and skated back to the safety of the Blue Lions house, knowing there would only be about 3 or so people who would beat him senseless, as opposed to 7.

\---

Bernadetta somehow found herself sitting in a Blue Lions dorm room with Mercedes and Annette, as the two gushed and gossipped around her. Mercedes had her hands in Bernie's hair, tutting softly to herself. "Bernie, when was the last time you got this cut? The layers all all over the place." Bernadetta blushed and pulled down a lock of her hair.

"O-Oh, I do it all myself. I don't really … uh, I don't really like strangers touching my hair." Mercedes' hands flew back as the two apologized to one another profusely, Annette shaking her head at them both.

"Mercie, we invited Bernie over so we could give her a proper pampering! No more sorries out of either of you, just fun! Okay?" She had her hands on her hips and gave them a threatening look, and the two women both agreed and apologized for apologizing. Mercedes fished around in her drawer and pulled out an eyeshadow palette while Annette pulled a brush set from her purse. "Mercie got the new Makeup Forever pallette which has a lot of really pretty purples that actually show up right on the lid and don't just get all dusty, could we try a few things?" Bernie's eyes were glued to the palette, drinking in each of the different shades. She had always loved makeup, but was so nervous about wearing it. Sometimes she would watch Get Ready With Me's on YouTube and wish she had the confidence to contour, wear a bold lip, and cut a crease, but the angry voice of her father rang loud in her ears. Makeup is for whores, he would say as he ripped open her online purchases. Makeup is for women with no natural beauty, for hiding what you truly look like. Makeup is for liars.

But Annette wasn't a liar, and neither was Mercedes. And they were both beautiful women to boot. So she did her best to stand still as they put makeup on her, trying to instruct her on various things while they worked. Once she opened her eyes to look at the hand mirror Mercedes was holding, she gasped. She had on a soft purple smokey eye paired with a berry lip, and a little face glitter under her eyes just for fun. Bernie tried not to break out into tears and instead just gasped loudly. "I love it!!" The two girls smiled back at her, priding themselves in a job well done. 

"Now, am I allowed to do a little snip to even up your layers? Pretty please?" With how good the two did on her face, she would be foolish to disagree. Mercedes seemed to pull scissors out of thin air as she shaped Bernadetta's hair with a practiced ease. It felt so nice to have someone else care about how she looked, and want her to have fun and look good. She had a tough time seeing herself as beautiful, but the way that Mercedes and Annette looked at her and complimented her profusely was breaking down the wall a little bit. Mercedes finished the impromptu haircut by brushing some of the hair over to create a side part. "Okay! One more surprise! Annette and I were down at the store and saw this beautiful cardigan that I think would complement your shape so nicely!"

Bernadetta wiggled out of her pullover to reveal a tee that hung off her shoulder and shorts that had barely peeked out before, a cute look overall. Mercie pulled out a cable knit cardigan with shapeless sleeves and a thin silver tinsel embedded throughout. She helped Bernie put it on, moving over to the full length mirror to take in the full look. She barely recognized the person there, with stylish hair and glitter on, with her body physically visible. She threw her arms around Mercedes, who hugged her back and pressed a motherly kiss to the top of her head. "Careful of the foundation, Bernie." She gave a quick apology and gave Annette a hug in return.

"We just wanted to show how grateful we were, ya know? One, you're like, super cool! And two, it's nice to see Sylvain with such a cool and awesome girl! Really, don't sweat it!" Annette let her leave with the makeup palette and brushes, Bernadetta tucking them safely away in her backpack. They said she should surprise Sylvain, but that sounded a little too forward for her tastes (and terrifying), so instead she parked herself by his dorm, pulled out her laptop, and just hung out until someone decided to interact with her. She got a few hellos as Felix, Dedue, and Dimitri passed by her to get to their dorms, until eventually a pair of feet stopped in front of her. 

"... Bee? Is that you?"

She looked up at him, Sylvain's jaw practically on the floor. He closed his mouth as he did the mental math to figure out exactly what had happened, then took her hands to help her up and pull her into a big hug. "You look awesome. Seriously." Bernie did what she could to not smudge the makeup all over him as she hugged him back. He placed a hand under her chin and tilted her head up, allowing Sylvain to properly investigate. "I'm going to guess this is Annette and Mercie's handiwork?" She gave a nod, blushing at the touch. "I like the sweater a lot too. Really suits you." She was going to die from all of the compliments, she was sure of it. 

"It was a lot … but I like it! I really like the glitter." Bernadetta couldn't see herself, but she hoped she hadn't smudged it up while they waited. Sylvain could not seem to pull his eyes away, looking at her as if she was a painting in a museum. "Oh! I wanted to show you what I did with the ring." She broke away from the hug and pulled the ring from under her shirt. Bernadetta had switched to a longer chain, which fell to about her stomach with one loop, but could be layered to fall a little higher if she chose. She added a few charms on a ring that sat alongside the signet ring: a feather, a small lion, and a little pink heart. "Look, it's us! I thought it was cute." Sylvain took the ring and charms in his hand, turning it over and unable to wipe the big grin off his face.

"Y'know, if I didn't know you any better, I'd say you're a real romantic at heart, Bee." She blushed and looked away, the necklace falling from his hands and bouncing against her stomach. She fumbled to tuck it back away to avoid getting it caught on the new sweater, Sylvain pulling her in close and resting his head on top of hers. "You don't have to do anything special or different for me, though. Really. I like you because of you, but I certainly don't mind when you look this gorgeous." She nodded against his body, understanding the sentiment. Maybe when she had the willpower to go on a real date with him, she could try to replicate the whole look. Until then, pullover hoodies were way too comfortable to give up forever. 

Bernadetta's phone started buzzing, looking to find she had gotten a series of texts all at once. Apparently, Mercedes had snuck a picture of her finished makeover and posted it, and Bernadetta was only now getting flooded with hearts from the Black Eagles group text. Sylvain peeked to see what the commotion was and suddenly his face stung again. He really hoped Dorothea talked to them all about not frequently accosting him, otherwise he would have to walk around campus with body guards. Having Petra jump from what he assumed was a raised ceiling to tell him she would hunt him as if he was "a little, frightened mouse" was enough for a lifetime. He gave a melodramatic sigh.

"Bee, are you aware your house is full of crazy people."

"Oh … yeah." She gave a nervous laugh and put her phone away. "T-they'll calm down soon, they just don't get it! M-maybe we should talk with Edelgard -" Sylvain gave a groan and covered his face. "Really!! If she tells everyone to calm down, t-they'll listen to her." He gave a sigh and paced in the halls.

"I know, I know. She just doesn't like me. And Hubert gives me the creeps."

"I-I'm convinced my whole house doesn't like you, so I don't think there is a better option." He nodded, knowing she was right. It was ignore it and let each of them corner him, or just go right to the source. Edelgard was probably telling them all to "keep an eye on him" anyway. As if he needed more Ingrids and Felixes on campus. 

"We'll have to meet on neutral ground. I'll text Claude." It was a good idea. Should he bring Dimitri as backup? Felix? Did he trust that the Golden Deer house would actually keep him safe? Golden Deers partied harder than anyone on campus, but no one fucked with them the way that Blue Lions and Black Eagles constantly fucked with each other. Plus, Edelgard would never agree to meet in the Blue Lions house. He texted Claude the details as Bernie checked to see if Edelgard would agree. It was a pretty ingenious plan, if he said so himself. Once the plan was set in stone, Bernadetta got on her tiptoes to give Sylvain a peck on the cheek and headed back to her room. 

Hopefully, some time tomorrow, this would all be settled and done with. Until then, he just had to pray to whoever was listening that no one swung through his window and murdered him in his sleep for his previous horny crimes. On second thought, maybe he should crash on Dimitri's couch tonight. For safety reasons.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning for tears!! Also Sylvain drinks respect women juice now

Sylvain and Bernadetta sat in Claude's room, sitting on a loveseat together with an empty loveseat directly across from the. Claude himself sat in a chair adjacent to them, packing what he claimed was his "peace pipe". Sylvain could not deny that he was nervous, but felt a little better knowing that Claude would be there to make sure Hubert didn't pull a knife on him. He didn't feel fully comfortably considering Claude would likely be high out of his mind, but comfortable enough. Bernadetta had decided today was the day she felt ready to hold Sylvain's hand, which he was internally losing his shit about, but was likely also because she was terrified. Even though she was in the much better position of not being a serial womanizer, she was trying to date one. 

A knock came to the door, which caused Bernie to jump. Claude did not make a move to get up, only giving a half shout "Who is it?". To be fair, he was an RA, it could be any of the Golden Deer. But Sylvain imagined they probably just opened the door, like they all did with Dimitri.

The slow calm of Edelgard's voice responded. "Claude, it's me." 

"Door's open." A pause, then the door opened to reveal Edelgard and Hubert. He had a small flower on his shirt collar, which made Bernadetta light up, but otherwise there was silence as the two walked in and took their seat. Claude cleared his throat as he lit the pipe, taking a long, slow draw and blowing out smoke. "All right, here are the rules. Only those with the pipe are allowed to talk. You may request the pipe but do what you must not to interrupt while someone else is making their point -"

"I'm sorry, Claude, but I have to break that rule before we continue." Her hand was covering her nose as she shot a glare at him. "We are explicitly forbidden from smoking on campus."

"I have a weed card, please do not discriminate against my illness." She sighed and sat back, folding her arms. 

"Can we at least open a window?"

"Request granted. Sylvain, you want first pull?" He nodded eagerly as he took the pipe, Claude getting up to fuss with the windows as he delivered what he hoped was a satisfying opening statement for Miss President of the Debate Team.

"So I fully get the fact that your house is not exactly thrilled with what is going on right now. Really, I promise I get this all the time. But instead of like, Felix and Ingrid, I now have an entire floor of people who are threatening my life. If we could organize some kind of fire alarm mechanism, a sort of 'break if Sylvain fucks up' instead of assuming I will do it at any given moment and torturing me throughout my day, it would make my life significantly easier." He gave a big exhale and took a hit, moving to Bernadetta next.

"I-I don't have to smoke, right?"

"Course not, Bernie!" Claude made his way back to his seat, offering her a cheeky grin. "More for the rest of us. It's just a symbolism thing." She gave a sigh of relief and placed it on the coffee table between herself and her RA. 

"I know you guys are worried about me, and it is really nice. You especially, Edie. You mean a lot to me, and you know I wouldn't even be here without you." Bernadetta gave Edelgard a smile, which she returned. "I promise … I do think I am making the right decision. B-but when you are all being really mean to Sylvain, it feels like you don't trust me. I w-wouldn't have come even close to this decision if I thought it would be bad. Right?" Bernie seemed like she had heaved a heavy weight off her shoulders, and Sylvain felt so proud of her. She was standing up for herself, something she likely did not do very often. And seeing her defending her choice, that she wanted to be with him, made his chest feel light. Edelgard gently moved the pipe to sit in front of her, also choosing not to smoke. Unsurprising. 

"Bernadetta, I really appreciate your point of view. I trust you, we all trust you, but we worry. We all love and care about you so deeply, that we just don't want anything bad to happen. I am sure you realize that." Bernadetta nodded and Sylvain tried not to roll his eyes. That was all well and good, but he would have preferred if they showed affection for her by not constantly cornering and threatening him. "Sylvain, I will talk to the other Black Eagles, but I am really not responsible for what they decide to do. If they see you acting in a questionable way, they are simply trying to protect Bernadetta, not upset you in any way." She slid the pipe to Hubert next, who declined comment and handed it back to Claude. He leaned back in his chair and took another hit, making sure to blow towards the window to avoid another fierce look.

“Before I begin,” Claude turned to face Hubert. “Nothing to add?” Hubert shook his head and looked to Edelgard.

“I am here for … emotional support.” No one seemed terribly convinced by that answer, so Claude went back to his intended speech.

"All right, my stance on this is as such. Game recognize game, first and foremost." He put a fist out towards Sylvain, who bumped in response. Game recognize game indeed. "Sylvain is aware of his criminal past and seems to be trying to make amends, not by dating Bernie, but by withstanding the current level of blowback he is receiving from your peers. While this is all well and good, it does not reflect well on the Black Eagles." He looked over and shook his head at Edelgard. "Bernadetta is an adult, you need to stop mommy birding her. She seems like she knows what she is doing." Edelgard went to speak up, but Claude held up a finger. "Now, I will open the floor for back and forth statements. Let's be civil, folks."

Sylvain spoke up first. "How many times do I have to say 'I get it' for it to be enough? I understand that no one thinks I can keep it in my pants, hell this is unknown waters for me too, but could we at least pretend to have a little faith in me?" He had dropped the guise of being polite after Edelgard's little speech, he just didn't want to have to fear for his life anymore.

"That is exactly our point, Sylvain." Edelgard's eyes trained in on his, unwavering. "If you can't trust yourself, how are we supposed to take your word that this time is different?"

"B-because I say so!" Bernadetta let out what could only be described as a commanding speech, grabbing the pipe and clutching it to her chest. "Please, Edie, please just trust me! I don't let people this close to me unless I know I am safe! And this time, I really am! Please, please, please just let me try to enjoy this instead of telling me I am too precious to get hurt!" Her eyes were shut tight, tears welling up as she spoke. This hit some nerve, whatever it may be Sylvain was unaware. Edelgard sighed and moved from her side of the room, taking a seat on the arm of the loveseat and holding Bernadetta close.

"I trust you, Bernadetta. Please don't be upset." Her words were soft, lacking the razor's edge she had spoken with previously. Bernie let out small sobs and mumbled something into Edelgard's shirt and Sylvain felt his heart breaking in two. What exactly just happened? He resigned himself to rubbing her back and frowning, the silence in the room seeming to amplify her snuffling. Claude got up as well and hugged the two from the front.

“Now now, no need for waterworks. Once this all settles down, do we think we’ve got this handled?” He looked to Edelgard, who gave a nod. Sylvain was glad to hear no one would be trying to murder him anymore, but wasn’t terribly happy with how it had to happen. Once Bernadetta was composed, the three separated and she moved herself back to holding Sylvain’s hand and rubbing the dampness from her eyes. The pipe was back on the table, and Claude quickly snatched it up and put it away, dismissing their parlay. Edelgard got up and Hubert followed suit, leaving Claude, Bernadetta, and Sylvain in the Golden Deer dorm. "Seems like case closed to me. Did'ja need anything else, Sylv?" He shook his head and got up, Bernie following suit. She turned to face him, offering a weak smile.

"Thanks for helping, Claude. I-I really appreciate it."

He stood up and clasped a hand on her shoulder, offering a big grin and a wink. "Any time. If someone isn't here to stop you guys from totally murdering each other, then things are a lot more bleak on campus. And it's always nice to hang out with Sylvain." The two left, with Sylvain giving another fistbump to Claude on the way out, turning on his heel to face Bernadetta as soon as the door closed. 

"Okay, I am very out of the loop. Is everything okay?" Bernadetta nodded, tugging at his hand to follow her back to her room. It was quiet between them, which made Sylvain's stomach churn. As a man who has experienced trauma and the physical responses and triggers that came from it, this definitely smelled like something similar. Soon enough, they arrived at her room and took their usual seats: Sylvain on the bed, Bernadetta at her desk chair. She kept her eyes on her feet.

"This … I was homeschooled my whole life. I knew Edie because we lived close and our parents worked together." Her hands balled into fists, clutching at the thick fabric of her pullover. "My father always treated me like I was too delicate to see the outside world, that it was filled with m-monsters and dangerous things. I believed him. I wasn't allowed to go anywhere, do anything without his okay. I was trapped, and had to do what he said just to keep myself from becoming even more trapped." Her body shrunk further and further as she spoke. He wanted to hold her, to let her feel safe, but she continued. "Edie told me her dad threatened mine so that he would let me come to school, b-b-but I was so scared. If it wasn't for her, I wouldn't be here. But she can't … I won't let her do what my father did to me for all those years." She looked up, a fire in her eyes he had never seen before. "Now that I'm here, there are so many nice people I would have never gotten to meet if I kept thinking everyone was going to hurt me. Some days it's still hard, really hard, just to leave my room. But … you have helped me a lot." She got up from her seat and sat next to him, Sylvain hugging her to his chest without a second thought. Bernadetta didn't cry, she was done crying. Sylvain held her close for a while, waiting to see if she had anything more to share. Once she seemed well and done, he decided it was only fair to speak up as well.

"You are powerful as shit, Bee." She looked up at him and gave a smile, her chin resting on his chest. He planted a kiss on her forehead and continued. "I get the whole shitty family thing. Part of my, uh, flirting problem, is that I sort of project what I think a girl wants before I ever really figure it out myself. Or maybe before they even figure it out. Before you were a thing, it seemed crazy to me that a girl would ever date a guy like me who wasn't in it for the money." Bernadetta looked confused, which surprised him until he remembered that she lived in her room for her entire life.

"Uh, my dad is a famous director." Her eyes widened in disbelief. He laughed a little and nodded. "Yeah. To me, a woman who heard the name 'Gautier' didn't care who I was, they cared about who my dad was, what my family did. So to me, I just figured it would be easier to enjoy women and not get close. Not really a good habit to get into." Her face disappeared back into his chest, mumbling something incomprehensible. He pet her hair and went on. "I get why your house doesn't like me. I wouldn't like me either. I'm sort of a dirtbag." Bernadetta looked back up at him, her brow furrowed.

"Maybe that's true, but you're not now. You are a good person, Sylvain. And I think we both need to hear that a lot more." Those words shook him to his very core, he was too stunned to respond. Bernie quickly realized the effect this had and gave a nervous laugh. "S-sorry, but someone had to say it." He swallowed and nodded.

"You're right. You know what? You are totally right." He was hoping the more he said it, the more he would believe it. As if to cast yet another spell on him, she leaned up and pressed a chaste kiss to his lips, ducking back down as soon as it finished. Sylvain felt the blush spreading on his face as he smiled at Bernadetta. "You are awesome, Bee. Seriously." He kept her close, not wanting to let this moment go any time soon. Unfortunately, his phone began buzzing to a FaceTime from Dimitri, which likely meant Felix and Ingrid as well. He answered, holding the phone so Bernadetta could be seen as well. She smiled and waved at the group. 

"Did everything go okay?" Dimitri spoke first, deep concern in his voice. 

"Oh, totally. Shouldn't have to crash on your couch anymore, unless you start missing me." A groan was heard from Felix as Dimitri gave a laugh. 

"Glad to hear you're all right. Bernadetta, how are you? Everything okay with the Black Eagles and Edelgard?" She gave a nod. 

"Yup, I only cried once!" Immediately everyone crowded around the phone and started talking, and she gave a nervous laugh. "I-it's okay! Really. Sylvain made me feel better." Ingrid cooed in response, with Dimitri and Felix both offering a consoling smile.

"Well I'm glad. Know you are always welcome here if you need anything. I am sure Mercedes and Annette are itching for another meeting." Ingrid pushed the two aside quickly.

"Yeah, definitely come over again, before those two tie me down and do my makeup next." With that, the group ended the call, leaving Sylvain and Bernadetta alone again. His hands trailed up and down her arms as he pressed a kiss to her head. There were no words to describe how incredibly precious she had become to him. Seeing her stand up for herself today, open up to him, allow the level of physical contact she was giving, it all moved him so deeply that he could not see himself ruining this any time soon, or ever. People did not seem to realize that while she certainly was a nervous person, she was also incredibly powerful. She didn't need Sylvain to be powerful, she just was. He was happy to stand back and let her do her thing, be herself, and cheerlead when needed. He nestled his hands in her hair, wanting to hold and touch her as much as possible. Now that she was comfortable, Bernadetta would lean into his touch, nestle against his hands and body, sometimes even press little kisses wherever she ended up. It all made him want to explode. He stayed there with her until the sun set, enjoying her warmth and comfort and knowing, in his heart, that he had managed to find one of the most incredible women out there. All he had to do was not be a total idiot and just listen, let her open up, and respect boundaries. Who knew?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I think there will be one or two chapters left until I come up with something else. If you are really liking this, come follow me on Twitter @Daniverse1 so we can talk and cry about this together because I would love that


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bernie cooks for her hungry friends

Bernadetta turned the knobs on the stovetop, wiggling them back and forth a few times before a familiar blue flame sprung up. She had come to the Blue Lions RA dorm, as always, with two bags full of pots, pans, and ingredients to make a small feast for the sad group of childhood friends who subsisted almost entirely off Easy Mac and ramen. Dimitri insisted that Dedue came over and cooked a few times a week, but the in-room kitchen seemed pretty much abandoned to her. Sylvain was stretched across the couch, kicking his knees behind him idly. 

"What'cha makin?"

"O-Oh, probably just a chicken teriyaki with bell peppers." She rustled around in the reusable bag she brought, pulling out a round tin. "I brought a cheesecake too! I know Felix doesn't like sweets, b-but there is definitely enough if Annette or Mercie wants to stop by." Ingrid popped up at the sound of 'cheesecake', getting up to help and put it in a fridge filled with leftovers. The four of them did feel bad that they couldn't cook their way out of a paper bag, but Bernie enjoyed seeing all of their happy faces while she cooked. "Felix, you wanna come help me cut up the chicken and peppers?" He came up to the two cutting boards she had set up, unsheathing the butcher's knife for the chicken. 

"How do you want it."

"Long strips for peppers, little strips for chicken. Wash the knife after cutting the chicken, o-or grab another from the bag!" He nodded and got to work. Each of them were so ready to help, as long as it didn't involve physically making the cooking happen. It touched her heart, in a 'useful doofuses' sort of way. Though to be fair, Felix just seemed to like to cut up ingredients. She set the pot of water on the stove top and grabbed a plastic bag, filling it with different sauces and seasonings. "You can put the chicken in here when you're done." He nodded without looking up, Bernie moving to wash her hands and go sit with Sylvain. He took up the whole couch, which made her giggle as she gently pushed at his side. He let out a playful groan and moved, giving Bernadetta a blessed few centimeters of couch to sit on. She wiggled in next to him and looked at the closed bedroom door. "Is Dimitri sick? I can make some soup if he is." Sylvain shook his head, throwing an arm over her lap.

"Nah, he is just in a mood. He'll come out once he is feeling up to it. Fe, go in there and kiss him better before I have half a mind to." Felix didn't turn around, but his back noticeably tensed at the suggestion.

"Not a good idea to toy with me while I am holding a knife, Sylvain." Sylvain stuck his tongue out and Bernadetta pushed on his face and laughed. Her integration into their group of friends was almost seamless. She would come over, they all would hang out, inviting her into their circle. There were no kid gloves when talking to or handing her, she was just Bernadetta. She watched as Felix cut the last piece of chicken and dropped it in the bag, sealing it shut as he went to the sink to wash and continue. She got back up in case he needed any advice, and also to fiddle with the bag enough to coat each piece of chicken.

"What do I do with the seeds?"

"We can throw those out." She stepped on the bottom of the trash can to pop the lid, Felix going to dump the unusable pieces in it.

"You'd make for a good little housewife, Fe." Oh no. Bernadetta saw Felix's knuckles go white on the handle of the knife, practically vibrating with anger. Everyone but Felix seemed to know Sylvain was taunting him for the response, and he ate it up every time. The silence in the room hung thick for a few beats before Sylvain rolled his eyes at all of them. "Sorry, fine, whatever. You're all killjoys." With that, Felix resumed cutting and Bernadetta went to check to see if the pot of water was boiling. Once it was, she put in the rice and covered the pot, setting it to simmer.

"Ingrid, can you set a timer for 20 minutes?" She nodded and set her phone, Felix finishing his cutting and dropping the knife in the sink before stomping over to Sylvain. 

"Now that I don't have a murder weapon I can just strangle you -" Ingrid had two arms around his waist in a second and yanked him back, his hands tugging and scraping at her well toned arms. The commotion seemed to stir Dimitri, as he left his room with a thick comforter around his body and his hair tousled. He looked like he had been trying to sleep, but with little success.

"Mm, morning Bernadetta."

"I-it's 5:30."

"Oh. Felix, what are you doing?" Felix calmed as he saw Dimitri, carefully removing Ingrid's arms from him and brushing himself off. 

"I was on my way to kill Sylvain in your living room."

"Business as usual, then. Also, please don't." Felix folded his arms and grumbled at them both, Sylvain feeling accomplished and not-dead. Ingrid turned to face Dimitri and frowned.

"Everything all right?" Dimitri nodded and moved Sylvain with ease to sit on the couch, huddling the blanket closer to himself. 

"Couldn't sleep all night, or all day either apparently, according to the time. Don't mind me." Sylvain gave Dimitri's blankets a pat and rested his head against them. Felix looked like he intended to join the two, but was too antsy to sit down and instead looked to the kitchen. Bernie had pulled out a rather large wok and a little oil, dumping the peppers in with a satisfying sizzle. Felix found himself back in the little kitchen space.

"Do you need anything else?" Bernadetta shook her head and gave him a smile. 

"I think Sylvain meant to say you are very handy! You did a great job with the peppers." Felix looked away, mumbling a thank you and starting on dishes. He wasn't usually the cleanly one in the group, but Bernie assumed it was to keep his hands busy and not trying to wring Sylvain's neck. She dumped the bag and its syrupy contents into the wok and it sizzled loudly, causing the three heads in the living room to turn and face her.

"Smells good, Bee."

"Yeah, I'm excited!" Ingrid smiled and leaned in, the sweet smell of teriyaki filling the room. "You don't think it'll be too sweet for Felix?" Bernadetta shook her head quickly.

"No, I picked up that blueberry ghost pepper sauce and mixed it in with the teriyaki. I think it'll be a really nice blend of sweet and spicy!" Felix seemed to teleport next to her, rummaging through the bag and finding the sauce. He held it like a sacred object, delicate but curious.

"I thought they only sold this back in Fhirdiad …"

"I ordered it online!" He nodded in reverence, gently putting it back in the bag. Hopefully that would placate him tonight, as long as Sylvain didn't have any other wise cracks left in him. Which was unlikely, knowing Sylvain, but she could only hope. As she moved the food around the wok, she felt arms wrap around her waist and a chin resting on her head.

"Is it almost done? It's driving me crazy."

"Still have time on the rice." Sylvain let out a whine and hugged Bernie tight.

"Make it go fasterrr." She shook her head and giggled at him.

"Rice takes time, gotta be patient!" She started to hum as she cooked, feeling the larger body sway behind her. Bernadetta three years ago would be stunned to see her held by a man like this, in a room with three other people waiting to eat her cooking, all enjoying her presence and having fun. Hell, Bernadetta two months ago wouldn't have believed it.

All because she had the guts to post her self-insert historical fantasy fic online. It was insane to think about.

Felix was now wrapped in Dimitri's blankets with him while Ingrid had a leg up on the arm of the chair, messing around with her phone. Sylvain would press little kisses into the top of her head, or fiddle with the rim of her tee shirt, which made her face hot as she cooked. 

Once Ingrid's phone beeped, Bernie turned off the burner with the rice on it and set the wok's heat to low. Ingrid got up and grabbed bowls and forks, setting them up neatly on the counter as Bernadetta added the rice in to the meat and peppers, coating the whole meal in the sweet teriyaki sauce. Three bodies lined up behind her, allowing Bernie the first taste of her meal. She filled two bowls, bringing on back for poor Dimitri as well. She sat on the couch next to him and took a bite.

The sweet, honeyed flavor of the teriyaki mixed with the heat of the ghost pepper sauce on the back of her tongue, all perfectly soaked up by the rice. She grinned through each mouthful as Sylvain, Ingrid, and Felix each began their meals as well. Dimitri thanked Bernadetta for bringing the food over and took a small bite, but placed it back on the coffee table soon after.

"Bernadetta, this is so good!" Ingrid dug into her food with a surprising ferocity, Felix and Sylvain nodding in agreement around mouthfuls of food. She was quite proud of herself, even though it was an easy meal to make. To these four, anything made on a stovetop was practically magic. Felix was the first to go up for a second bowl, Ingrid following behind. Sylvain placed his empty bowl in Bernie's and pressed a kiss to her temple.

"Great job, Bee." She nestled her head into the crook of his neck and sighed softly. She could say to herself a million different times in a million different ways that all of this had seemed so far from real. Sylvain's hand reached up into her hair and lazily twirled a piece as her mind buzzed. She was just so happy now, so much less anxious. Bernie could only hope Sylvain felt similar: that finding a woman to be faithful with had made him feel more whole than constantly hunting down and going through women with reckless abandon. He would still throw out one liners or flirt with people who wanted nothing to do with it, but Bernie didn't mind. She knew it was hollow or joking, and she didn't find herself to be the jealous type anyway.

Bernadetta knew, at the end of the day, her feelings for Sylvain were reciprocated. All she had to do was remember the signet ring that sat against her heart. A choice to bring her into his life, an exchange of his status to her, not that either cared for that sort of thing. Dimitri had gone back to his food, letting Bernie know that it was very good. Everyone knew Dimitri had no sense of taste, but he still felt bad if he did not compliment the cook. It was a sweet gesture nonetheless. 

A knock came to the door, revealing Mercedes, Ashe, and Annette. Mercedes gave a wave and spoke for the group.

"I believe I was told there would be cheesecake in here?" Bernie popped up and went to the fridge, pulling it out to place on the counter.

"Yup! Help yourself!" The three each cut themselves a piece, Annette wiggling with excitement as she took her first bite. Ashe looked over at the chicken teriyaki left over from the group.

"Oh wow, big cooking party huh? That was really nice of you, Bernie!" She blushed and thanked him, grabbing herself a little piece of cheesecake. It was a little cramped in the tiny kitchen with four people all going for dessert, so she made her way back to the couch with Sylvain and took a seat on his lap. 

"If you're sitting there, I want payment." He snatched up the fork and took a bite. Bernie huffed and took her fork back.

"Not fair! I hadn't even eaten it yet!" He just laughed and kissed between her shoulder blades.

"Couldn't help it. Also, yum." He ended up taking a few more bites, "to make sure it wasn't poisonous" or "to see if it was as sweet as her", whatever excuse he could come up with to take her food without getting up. It all just made Bernie laugh, she didn't mind playing along. The night winded down with the three who came for dessert eventually taking their leave. Sylvain had begun to nod off while the group sat on their phones, showed each other memes, and watched random shit on Netflix. 

Bernadetta eventually fell asleep curled up on Sylvain, leaning on the blanket mass of Dimitri, Felix on the bed and Ingrid on the chair. To feel so warm, so safe, so welcome. Sylvain was such a blessing to her, a gentle and understanding hand leading her ahead. She couldn't have asked for a kinder person to fall in love with.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully this is a somewhat satisfying ending lol. I have a variety of different ideas in store for future stuff so buckle up friends.

**Author's Note:**

> If you like this, come talk to me about it on Twitter @danivonfemblem !!


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